No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
