I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
