I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize