The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh god it's open bar.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
