Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
