One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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