She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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