overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize