you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude i'm inner monologue high
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
