apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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