I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
