For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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