He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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