hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
