Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize