if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
