even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
