His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
