So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
