So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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