Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We need to get me chipped asap
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