Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
