Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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