My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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