you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
