im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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