i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
vagina is talking i cant
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
