Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
