glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
