You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
