once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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