I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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