I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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