its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
