But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
