Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize