My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
