Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
