I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
third nipple confirmed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
