Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
