We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
