I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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