How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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