I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
