Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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