What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
wow bdsm is so cute
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
