He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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