You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
