Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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