I accidentally had phone sex last night
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
