I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
