I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
