They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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