fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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