I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
