I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
