She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i have two assholes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
