I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
