My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
