do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
false alarm. still invincible.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
