how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you never un-have a 4some
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
