Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
