Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
