is wine microwaveable?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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