What a fucking waste of an outfit
she woke up with a sticky ear
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
