I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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