I'm going to jail i love you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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