yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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