Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I touched a dick in church today
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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