First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
