Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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