Well apparently he's into motor boating.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
