I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
