I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
