The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
