Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
