Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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