4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
