You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
