She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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