you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
