u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
