do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
