Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
