...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
