when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The feeling are messing with the penis
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
