Welp...herpes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
