Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
