woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
