I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
