the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
