my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
