the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
