he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
